Long Time No See

I know, I know....I haven't posted in quite some time. But I'm back and here's an update:

End of December, the hubs and I flew to Miami for a long awaited (year-long to be exact) vacay! We spent an amazing week and a half with my parents at their condo in the Keys...Islamorada to be exact. During that time David's parents flew in for 3 days from Kansas to spend some q time with their son...whom they hadn't seen in over 2 years.
Then, on Jan 4 we flew to Brazil for a 10 day visit.  We staying 2 nights in Rio, 5 nights in Buzios and then 3 nights in Sao Paulo.  David's from Brazil, and hadn't been back home in over 10 years.  Mainly because we keep planning out major trips for other amazing places. But FINALLY I was able to see where he was from. Let me tell you...Rio is an amazing city with a vibe that just can not be described.  In Rio we stayed in the area named Santa Teresa, and it was just perfect in every way.  Nice shops, restaurants and bars in the area, plus we felt super safe which is not the case in all of Rio. We did the touristy things like, visited Ipanema and Leblon beaches.
After that we were off to Buzios, which is where I fell in love. The people, the beaches, the weather...everything was just perfect.  It felt like the first time in many years, that I could really breathe.  I didn't have a care in the world, just relaxed and had a romantic getaway with David.
Our final stop in Brazil was Sao Paulo, David's birth place.  Here we stayed at a friends place, and David got to visit with all of his long lost buddies. The city of SP is just so big, and overwhelming we didn't really know what to do, but luckily we had David's friends to show us around. After being away for 10 years David didn't really know what to do, or where to go. The weather took a turn, and was much colder and rainier than I was expecting so we mainly went to the mall, and had coffee breaks...which was nice and gave us a chance to hang and chat with David's friends.
After SP, we flew back to Miami for our last few days to spend with my parents and relax a bit more.

Now that I'm back in Monaco I'm having a bit of a hard time adjusting.  I'm missing my friends and family, and the winter weather here has me kind of down. It's so bad that I just looked up flights to go back home.

To be perfectly honest, I think it's a combination of uncertainty at work, struggles getting pregnant and being all alone. I mean, obviously I have David...but sometimes you need more. I'm basically crying as I write this, and sometimes things are hard because then otherwise you wouldn't appreciate the good times but I'm majorly questioning this entire journey.
-Why am I here?
-What is God trying to teach me?
-How am I becoming a better person by going through these difficulties?

Its funny because Monaco and Monte Carlo sounds so glamorous, and I'm sure if I were to tell any stranger that I was unhappy with my move to Monaco they would probably laugh in my face.  People think that Monaco is this wonderland, full of fun and joy and beauty....but the truth is it's full of expats looking for the next best thing, crooks trying to hide money, or billionaires spending loads of money on pathetic material goods that make them even more lonely and more pathetic than they were to start off.

My goal for the day...stop being so negative, and know that everything happens for a reason. I hope I can maintain my sanity in the meantime and not buy this plane ticket home, admitting defeat. Wish me luck....